So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
