You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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