your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
