mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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