plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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