I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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