do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
