a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am naked and annoyed.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
