butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
