I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
