JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
