I hope mine doesn't look like that
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
