Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
