i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
