its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
