My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
