Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
