dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
