Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
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