I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
