All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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