When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
