What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize