Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
