my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
