angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
