So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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