For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
