Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
