He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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