I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
