you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
