You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My hand turned me down
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You left your phone here
Wait...
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