She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
