somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Sext me about skeletons
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
