They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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