Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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