I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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