First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
i dont even know how to be here
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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