so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize