Your dad touched me again.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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