how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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