Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
