Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
