I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
