I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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