Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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