As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
