You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
