is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
