STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
