Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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