We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
