I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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