Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
