Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
