So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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