apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
