So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
