my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
