Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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