I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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