I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
