It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize