We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Randomize
