i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
