the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
They have beer where we have blood.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
