I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
