I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
