Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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