Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
