Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Randomize
