I wanna bring you to show and tell
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
sarcasm needs its own font
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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