Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I met the friendliest cop last night
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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