His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
