oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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