I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
