I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In America we eat man semen.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize