Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
