He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
