I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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