I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
