Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
