I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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