I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
